A Whole Week?

So it's been a whole week since I've written. There have been times I've wanted to write and haven't been in a place to, but for the most part, I've just felt okay. At least the past few days I have. Which sort of scares me a little. It means I'm moving on. And that I might forget.

I realized today that while the pain of a miscarriage and the grief of it is exactly the same level of intensity as losing a child that has already been born and as been with you for some time, it is probably shorter in length. While you miss being pregnant and having that child with you, there's nothing to miss about them being around. It's not really one fewer person in your house (though in your heart it is), it's not missing hearing their voice or seeing their smile or interacting with them. So maybe the duration is a little shorter, though no less painful. Just a thought for today.

Is anyone reading this? I wonder.

So on Thursday I bought a bracelet. And I actually attribute a lot of my doing-wellness to this purchase. I've been aching to have some physical reminder of all this. I tried some tulips. Good, but I'm in constant fear they're going to die. I bought some rings. Nice to have something, but they had no significance. They were just something I could wear every day as a reminder. And then I thought of this bracelet.

I have a friend who designs jewelry. And when I say designs, I mean really designs. Not just makes it for her friends or what not, but well...let's just say while I was at her house on Thursday, Cheryl Crow called to place an order. That kind of "designs jewelry." Anyway, she has this bracelet that I've always really loved, but can't afford. But I immediately thought of this piece.

It's called "Tapestry." Here's the link to it so you can see what it looks like:
http://www.twisted-silver.com/default.asp?256n675=qrsn7y6_241q7p6_qr5p4v26v10&c41q7p65gB2r5_VQ=E&c41q7p65_VQ=HDE
Anyway, I liked the symbolism of a tapestry. It might sound a little cheesy, but every time I look at my wrist now, I remember that our family is woven together forever, that Liam is always part of our family and is woven in our hearts too. And nothing can break us apart.

Also I heard this address a long time ago comparing life to a tapestry. If you look at the underside of one, it's ugly. There are knots, and strings, and parts that don't look so great. But when you turn it over, all those parts make up something beautiful. That's how life is. There are parts of life that are ugly, and difficult, and terrible. But it's those parts of life that make us into something beautiful, that make us into who we are. Now, when I look at my wrist, I think about that. This part of my life is ugly and terrible, but we will get through this, and it will make me better and stronger, and more able to help people around me. So while I hate going through this, and while I miss my baby like crazy, I know everything will be okay. And that I will see William again soon.