There's just this little tug at my heart that's missing that little boy I should be holding in just a few weeks. And I'm wishing I could see him and know what he looks like and sounds like and if he has my creativity and Ben's sense of humor. But I'll have to wait.
I'm deciding what to do on my due date. I think my mom and sister are going to come out, and we're going to go away for the weekend and just have fun. I think that's what I need. I'm fine thinking about it and remembering him all week, but on my actual due date, I think I need to do something fun and keep my mind off of it or I'll be a wreck.
August 8th. Will I ever forget that date?
Or February 3rd. Or January 25th.
I'm afraid I'm talking about him too much. I'm trying not to bring it up too often. But sometimes it can't be avoided. I can't just not talk about it. But I don't want people to think I'm just always complaining or always being depressing by bringing it up. And it probably just feels to me like I talk about it all the time. Because it's so much a part of me.
And I want to honor and remember, not avoid it, even though it might make other people uncomfortable. Is that rude?
For example, I just made a mother's necklace for myself.
And I couldn't just put the "E" on there for my daughter. It just didn't feel right. I needed the "W" too to be complete. But then I get questions as for what it's for, and then I feel bad bringing it up...I don't know.
If anyone's reading this, what have you done? Has anyone else felt like this too?
Miss you, Liam.
