Wednesday

I woke up repeating "Liam" over and over again in my head. He just seemed so real, so tangible to me. Giving him a name really helped me to give him an identity, to make him a real, living person, to make me sure he wouldn't be forgotten. It eased some of the pain, gave me someone to grieve.

I think I've been pretty much crying all day. This feels nothing like I would have expected it to feel. I feel like I've lost a living child, it feels just like if I lost E. This baby is so real to us. At least to me. Ben of course, is devestated, but it's nothing like what I'm feeling. I think that surprised me. I think he's more distressed by seeing me so distressed.

Why doesn't anyone talk about this? I wish I would have been warned. No one ever says how hard it is to lose a baby. No one. I wish people would be more open about this.

I've been checking my Facebook and email all day. I can't believe how many comments and messages I've gotten. I really feel very loved. Just missing the little one I love so much.