Anxious

I've been feeling so...blah.

That's not even a word, I know, but ...what other word fits?

I've just felt anxious, and itching for change, and ready for something big in my life. It took me a long time to figure out why that was. Why all of a sudden am I wanting to move, or start a company, or take on some other massive project? Something HUGE.

And then I realized what it is. I was expecting a big change right now, and there's not one coming. And everyone around me is going through that change and I'm not. Instead my life is just more of the same. I feel like I have nothing to show, nothing to look forward to.

All last week I had periods of emotional breakdowns thinking about this. And then, all of a sudden, it's stopped. And I feel good. Really good.

I don't know what it is. Maybe that was my final grieving push. Not that I'll ever finish grieving, but maybe that was just what I needed.

I'm heading into a difficult month. My due date is only a few weeks away. Many of my close friends are delivering their babies. In fact, three have delivered in the past week with one more due in a few days. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be tough. But I'm realizing now that I'll make it.

Thank you for your comments and your love. To Anonymous, thank you for your comment. I'm going to repeat that over and over again during the next month. "I am a strong, confident and healthy woman, and I am looking towards my future, but will never forget the past."

And I never will. But I will move on.